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What did such a Noble Friend leave behind..?
What is left in this wake of complete & utter devastation? That is what I find myself asking this day, almost a week after helping him pass... Pilgrim Olivier was finally given peace from all the inherent illnesses that haunted him for 5 years on Saturday, November 10th, 2007. He went peacefully at ten to 10 a.m. in my arms, on a favorite cozy blanket, on the sofa in our living room. As I felt his heart beat for the last time, relief and panic washed over me simultaneously. Relief that I was able to carry through my promise to him - to not let him suffer a single day for my own needs. And Panic that I had lost the most solid connection to who I was. This little person was not my dog. He was not my child. He was my very best friend. Pilgrim was 6 months old when I took my first steps from my parents' home. We moved in to a fabulous little doll house with a massive fenced yard to continue the next three years in complete bliss. Endless obedience classes, just because they were so much fun. Daily romps through a local dog park to visit and stretch our legs. Runs around the block, he in harness beside me on my bicycle. Yet more daily walks to the little park at the end of the street. Constant truck rides, however awkward it was, hoisting him EVERY SINGLE TIME because he was too cautious to leap his agile body in himself, to adventures not yet known. I took him everywhere with me and he charmed the pants off everyone he met. We even took two road trips to meet up with friends in Montana and Tennessee. He was absolutely at his happiest where ever he was, as long as he was beside me. And so he assisted me one last time, over the threshold of the second phase of my new adult life. He moved to the country with me. Oh how he loved to run and explore this wide new territory! And when I brought the horses home! He was in heaven!! All the horse poop he could scarf down when I wasn't looking!! We spent many lazy days that first summer, going for long walks down the country roads, lounging in the grass next to the grazing horses, exploring the acres of bush on our property and going for trail rides through the local quarries. He was the only boxer I've had who would get his feet wet. In fact, he'd wade right in so that the water was over his back on those hot, itchy days.
Now, as I enter a third phase of my barely increasingly-comfortable adult life, he happily relinquished his position to another. His days of escorting me through the ups and downs of life are over. Another competent soldier stepped up and he finally gave in to the ravaging demands of his little body... a body too little to contain his larger-than-life soul, and yet a body large enough to extinguish his time here. The very best friends are the ones you can't invest enough in, the ones who reciprocate to such a degree that you know you'll be indebted to them your entire life. This dog, with his happy, wiggling, loving personality, was my support and inspiration through heaving times of self-identity. Before he came along, I thought life was all about getting ahead. He taught me that true life is right in front of you. It's in the sweet spring grass. It's in the enormous evergreen trees and dancing poplar leaves. It's in perfect butterflies and horsie sighs. It's in delightful children's faces and loving elderly eyes. It's in the warm rays of the sun and the crunching coolness of the snow. Pilgrim taught me how to live in the here and now... because tomorrow just may never come.
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I just wanted a pet... I didn't want to pay the big $$$$ for a professionally-bred dog.
Pilgrim is a back-yard bred Boxer. This means that he has no papers documenting his lineage. When I began my search for a new dog, I told myself that all I wanted was a pet, and that I certainly did not need to spend the $1000 professional breeders were asking for their pups. I found a casual breeder through a friend and picked up my new pup for half the price. Within the first year, my vet and I uncovered a multitude of hereditary, avoidable and potentially fatal health afflictions raging inside my precious new pup. Pilgrim has a heart murmur which caused him to faint twice during his first winter. Aortic Stenosis can present itself in simple, rare cases of fainting, or it can drop a dog dead in a mid-run. Thankfully, Pilgrim seems to have outgrown this particular affliction.
The next thing we discovered was ALLERGIES. My gorgeous Red Brindle boy was reduced to a pathetic state of complete baldness during his first spring. He has food allergies and environmental allergies. Basically, there's nothing he's likely NOT allergic to. The costs in allergy-free foods ALONE are staggering, never mind all the testing, removal of carpeting from my house and two handfuls of different dietary supplements my boy now gets. All this just to maintain an itch-free, happy dog. Allergies are inherent.
Before he was two, it became apparent that Pilgrim had stress-induced Renal (kidney) Failure. A particularly rambunctious foster puppy came to stay with us for a while and my poor boy drank and eliminated so much he couldn't hold his ultra-diluted urine for even four hours. He was so miserable to be uncontrollably having accidents in his home! We now try to keep things on as even a keel as possible for him and this seems to keep them functioning normally. Also, due to his weak kidneys, steroid treatment for his allergies is not an option. And lastly, we discovered that Pilgrim is prone to bloat. Bloat is an obstruction in the digestive tract that prevents gasses naturally formed in the stomach from escaping through normal functions (passing gas, burping). The result is these gasses expanding the stomach cavity to painful and often fatal proportions. Blood supply to nearby organs can be cut off and the stomach can actually twist right around, requiring surgery within the first two hours to have even a remote chance of saving the dog. My last Boxer died from Gastric Torsion (stomach flipping). It typically occurs in deep-chested, active breeds and is currently being linked to genetics. My point in all of this is not to tell you a sob story. My point is to show you just how important it is to research your breeders. And it's not just papered dogs that make the cut - it's the dogs that are HEALTH TESTED before breeding. Papers can be forged and it's common practice to inbreed dogs in pursuit of the "perfect look", health-consequences be-damned. Look at the pedigrees, talk to your breeders about how large of a gene pool they pull from and visit your breeder often before you buy. A good breeder will want to be just as sure of you, as a good pet owner. I have found my perfect canine soul mate in this dog's decrepit, falling-apart body. I had doubts he would live to four years old and every day is now an unbelievable gift that I treasure with all my heart. I will NEVER gamble like this again! ~~~~~ In the end, it was his kidneys that were his downfall. He was 90% bald, having lost almost his entire coat to allergies and he was breaking out in scabs over his entire body. We sought the assistance of Chinese medicine and had some great success in healing his skin. Unfortunately, his internal self had ideas other than recovery. Moving became painful and he slept most of his days. His brightest moments were the 10 minutes after I came home from anywhere - even if I'd only gone out to feed the horses. He was too tired to play with the other dogs, instead choosing to bark at them from the deck. He rarely got up to investigate who came into the house anymore, preferring to wait for them to come to him. His poor little body felt the cold as soon as the temperature started to change in September. We just couldn't put him through another winter.
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Thank You, Piglet.
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